Sweetmeats
Let’s workshop this prose poem (which comes from the story "Mario Mangione") that details the step-by-step grooming tactics of priest salivating over an obese and vulnerable altar boy.
scent of the day: Figment Man, by Amouage.—A super-photorealistic petrichor fragrance that captures the post-compost richness of worm-and-grub teeming dark earth (the loamy rhizomatic soil of a Pacific Northwest forest in the crisp spring air of dawn, several rotting tree trunks giving—through the hints of fern and vetiver greenery—wafts of moldy spiderweb attic and farmer’s-market mushroom), Figment Man—the signature scent, so we might imagine, of either Radagast or Earthworm Jim—masterfully balances aromatic whispers of designer sophistication (especially due to the creamy sandalwood that comes out more and more) with straight-up nightcrawler forest floor—forest floor that, despite lacking the feel of dirt active with rot and fermentation that we get in its cousin (Silver Oud), is fungal and almost licoricey (perhaps from the myrrh) and mildly animalic (sort of like my vintage version of Salvador Dali Pour Homme).
Sweetmeats
Light-hearted interaction marks the first gentle taps on the tight—lip-biting tight—jar lid of trust, the boy—for Father Peady no more than a cherry-glazed sweetmeat in a confectioner’s pick-me window—targeted for his trifecta of vulnerability: (1) broken home pickled in enough alcoholic neglect for more than one cigarette mattress fire, (2) only child starved as much for attention as for the confidence and multifaceted skill boosts of sibling competition, (3) fat as all honeybun hell. Small compliments, like on the boy’s colored-pen drawings of ninja combat (the sheer amount of school-counselor-demanding blood enough to make Father Peady glance over his shoulder in fear of rival sharks circling among the clergy), evolve to shooting netless hoops behind the rectory in what outwardly appears an overdue intervention to get the boy more physically active. Repeatedly defaulting—like a one-trick-pony (but one hell of a trick it is!)—to the post-up play that would send even hesitant priests into game-on mode (clerical collar tightening with each carotid thump), the boy becomes temptress Eve incarnate on the court: driving his jiggly ass into an ever-bulging but ever-unbudging wall of hands-high pelvis (“There you go!”). Then comes a steady flow of gifts: exercise-undoing candy bars, insurance against the boy getting any ideas about leaving his loner shell, slipped from cassock pockets—the phrase “KING SIZE” loud on double-entendre purpose—after an unnecessary but precedent-setting show to ensure no one sees; a special rosary (kissed and handed over with a mysterious, because unwarranted, smile of conspiracy—a foreboding smile of stringy salivation).
Ambush patience perhaps helped by age-dampened gonad production, soon enough one-on-one time extends beyond just basketball and laying out—shoulder to shoulder, hands touching—the sacred vessels before mass. Private Latin tutoring (thick with praise when it comes to penmanship and memorized declensions) becomes a thing, alone together—warm side by hot side—in the backroom (under the staged presence of wine bottles) where no one can bother them. Proving that the praise is not just talk, Father Peady then starts to give the boy “duties reserved only for the most special”: assisting in the blessing of holy oils, even getting to “blow” over the oils—on double-entendre demand (“Blow harder”)—to symbolize the Holy Spirit; helping count weekly donations—again among the wine bottles—in the backroom (where the boy once innocently thought they burned all the money). Rougher knife taps of foreplay escalate through love-bombing compliments on how well these duties—these “well-earned privileges” straight out of the groomer’s playbook—are being carried out, how the boy has “defied expectations.” Whispered praises of chosenness—praises no doubt coupled, if only we could take a peek behind the priest’s skull (especially with the benefit of hindsight), with the filthiest fantasies—slide like communion wine down the throat of a drunk desperate for salvation: “Such natural grace must make the archangels blush”; “God himself must have guided such a pure servant's heart to our parish.”
Ingratiation with the boy’s family is a chore, but a must: suffering through meals of dry meatloaf hit with a cold line of generic ketchup on top, offering help when the furnace dies or rent runs short, showering the single-mother with applause for her “remarkable parenting of this special boy.” The payout proves well worth the investment, though. Extra-ecclesiastical one-on-one time—bowling and pizza, even movie nights stretching past midnight—soon raises no eyebrows. At the very worst, any family members—what family members really, aside from the mom (who, even if her intuition has not been smothered by gratitude, definitely does not want to bite the hand that feeds her)?—will feel weird enough about finding it weird that they will never open their mouths.
So much depends (just like that red wheelbarrow glazed with rain) on the priest’s finesse, of course. But provided we are dealing with a talented hunter, the wedge of isolation can be hammered down after enough of these special outings (these, so the priest more and more starts to call them, “date nights”): a glut of duties and even manufactured emergencies, like altar preparation and cleanup before morning mass because of “overnight vandalism” (vandalism conveniently sexual in orientation, like penises painted on saints statues)—demands on time that keep the prey distant from the already thin flocks of family and friends.
And what would a good grooming story be without the encouragement of secret-keeping activities, each shared transgression a thread in the spider's web: sneaking an extra slice of pizza, watching a movie few parents would allow, whispered jokes lacing scripture with innuendo? Sips of sacramental zinfandel shared behind the drawn blinds of private chambers is the paradigm example, a maneuver tried-and-true—the locking of the door beforehand, one bolt two bolt, carried out with loud theatrics to test where the boy is at in regards to fight or flight (as if testing were even needed, the way the boy has only gotten more aggressive with his posting up in the paint).
And speaking of testing, the physical boundaries must be tested: hands lingering too long under the pretense of adjusting altar robes, extra hugs (and of lifting proportion), roughhousing that only gets rougher (and that culminates in tickle sadism and even a few nipple twists), shoulder massages, compliments shifting more toward physical features—and also, the best priests taking care not to let the direction of touch become too lopsided, lubing the boy’s hands with blessing oil (a breaking point for young lions still clumsy with their game, but not for our man) and then guiding those hands over the priest’s fantasy-wrinkled forehead until the boy gets the hint (reciprocation becoming self-driven) and the priest can let go to grip the boy’s shoulders in false prayer (tightening just enough to make resistance feel unholy).
Backing off from physical contact (“I’m sorry Georgie, but Father Peady’s just too busy for basketball”) has long proven a solid tactic at this point to keep the boy squirming in hunger for redemptive contact: combing through memories to discern what sin might have cost him his special status, wondering what other boy might have the man’s attention, until perhaps—granted sufficient drawing out of touch denial—the desperation to put and end to the withdrawal himself becomes too much. During this calculated distance, the priest—if there is anything to nominative determinism (and assuming, of course, he has the courage to pursue his prize beyond fantasy)—will be adding even stickier threads to the web of dependency. Confidant for every locker room anxiety, every struggle at home, every—you can bet your bottom dollar—pubescent dream, the priest will position himself—with the help of double-entendre endcaps on each confession (“I’ll always try to get you, Georgie” and “You’re safe with me, no matter how dirty it gets” and “You can always open yourself for me, even if it hurts”)—as (and soon Georgie will be saying the line himself) “the only one who truly understands.”
All the while the sexual undertow will strengthen: bawdy jokes ramped up in graphic detail, the most pornographic parts of the Bible taking centerstage, the most graphic Latin epigrams from Catullus and Martial becoming the material to translate, film nudity dipping beyond nip-slips into bush and shaft—and then suddenly deep into heady and emotionally confusing territories (like Monica Bellucci’s ten-minute anal rape scene in Irreversible, which would have the response needle on any penile plethysmograph jammed at the upper limits of red.
Discussion of sexual topics, disguised as guidance, is crucial here. It feeds right into the priest taking that leap (relatively small if he put in that work) of getting the boy to expose his genitals and, as a show of good faith (if there is reluctance), pulling his out first in what is packaged as a “return to the shamelessness of Eden, the way God intended us.” “Look,” the priest (Father Peady) will say, “wet dreams are completely normal. Liquid comes out even in daytime. The process is automatic. It’s nothing to feel shame about.” He will then at that point take the boy’s hand to his balls. “I want you to feel how it all just spasms. Watch.” And then as Father Peady reaches the edge (quickly, no doubt, after all these months of foreplay”), he will convey—in a tone that ever so sightly crosses the line (from clinical distance into oohing-aahing surrender)—one hell of a command in the form of a question: “How you gonna feel it if you don’t squeeze? Really get in there. There we go. Squeeze. Ooh, here’s where you squeeze hard”—his tone here, restrained by nothing but whisper, shifting momentarily deep into oohing-aahing surrender—“hard as can be.” And in the wake of the wild eruptions, whose correlated moans and taunting mumbles he holds back with a composure meant to show that this is just as normal as eating, he will say “See how you helped Father Peady? You got it all out. That’s a big big help. It helps me focus—.” He will give a post-cum exhale: “pfhhhhhooo,” savoring what he just received. “It helps me focus,” he will point up at the crucifix, “on what matters. . . . Just as we have to eat to focus on our studies, we gotta get this all out. Otherwise we find ourselves distracted. . . . So now you’re gonna let Father Peady help you. . . . No, watch. Just a few kisses should be good enough. I don’t think you’re ready for any of that squeezing! Here take the oil and go back and forth and I’ll just kiss down here. Right here, see?”
It cannot be all “See, how we can help each other?” In an ideal world maybe, but not here. Guilt and fear need to be instilled: from the old “We’re both sinners but we at least have each other” and “You wouldn’t want to disappoint God or me, would you?” to the equally old “No one would believe you over me anyway” and “I’ll make sure your family knows just how dirty their little boy can be”). Every case is different just like every child: some require drugs, others just a lot of camaraderie and heartfelt discussion. Regardless, it is often good to intersperse confusing counternarrative—saying something like: “In a way, as long as we ask to be forgiven, it can’t be so wrong. It’s love in the end, right?” The procedure is not fully linear. The priest often needs to circle back to earlier steps. He does so expertly, for example, by asking the boy “right?” at this point. Who would not feel special when an ordained priest looks to you for answers?
But however much the path might involve loop-de-loops, the jar—in what seems, depending on one’s perspective, no time—is fully pried open if the hunt is successful. We find Father Peady on his back, lit by flickering votive candles, demanding another baby arm be driven up the pipe (“Ooh yeah, little piggy gonna play in that slop”) and demanding (on threat of violence implied by the snarl of teeth) that there be no disruption in the sadistic rhythm of hard headbutts and stretchy slurps of the shitty scrotum—headbutt to slurp, headbutt to slurp (“Fuck those bad balls up good, little pig”). Closing in on the point of no return, he clutches the boy’s hair—the scalp-locked stuff of dark-web rape porn—and uses the little mouth as a headbanging stroker. “Stretch it boy. Stretch it way the fuck out.” The command here, hissed with the rare curse from Father Peady’s mouth (indicative of serious business, of go time), is for the boy to drive his palms and forearms outward, his fingers pressed together inside for fulcrum leverage, against the various contractile and puckering and speculum-fighting structures from the anus on up. This half-a-minute fury—and all the priestly taunts (“Ooh you’re going to fucking hell for this, pig”)—we can assume, at the point, the boy is already well familiar with. The bar of depravity does, however, tend to recede. And on this particular occasion, so we might assume, those peach-fuzz lips are smooshed in the final stroke so deep into middle-aged mons pubis hair and unguent fatty tissue that Father Peady’s love effluvia—over a week in the building, we can also assume given the tremendous patience show hitherto—burst from the boy’s nostrils. Held down without breath, a surprise chucks up and out as well from those same gasping nostrils: the mandarin oranges and grade-B beef of Taco Tuesday.
Such an ecstatic crescendo, cleaned up with low-capillary-action chalice linen by the boy himself (ashamed for losing his stomach), will likely have—for a tango team that has gone this far already—two big downstream implications. First, the pinching closed of those nostrils—that will be a thing from here on: “I want my love swallowed, pig!” Second, the dawning of a new kink expectation: vomit-filled grand finales of chef’s-kiss throat convulsion (the same penis-milking panic contractions that, to cite the old Parisian brothel move, come from the cloaca of the neck-wrung hen)—that will also be a thing. And guess what? The non-appearance of vomit, once an aberration and now a norm, will be framed by Father Peady as disloyalty and so as grounds for ramping everything way up: forcing the shattered relic of a boy to keep a Mary figurine up his ass throughout the school day (a sort of modern twist on hairshirt asceticism), or holding the boys face in the bird bath of bubbling holy water while Father Peady pumps out anal vinegar strokes that on one occurrence, so let us assume, draw out so on and on that the boy needs CPR rescue breaths—Father Peady becoming more of an earthly savior than ever before!
And yes, all of it will be caught on video: starting from the first mutual masturbation session, which almost seems sweet in comparison to the wood-creaking shit and blood fuck sessions to come (where Father Peady, like clockwork whenever “that fat back” is arched just right, will start mumble-singing in sync with his rhythm (as sweat drips from his forehead) “♪Something tells me I’m into something good♪” from the Harmans Hermits’s classic hit “I'm into Something Good")—all of it. In the grand impermanence (and now that footage is no longer grainy), who could resist? Father Peady, this way, gets later spank-bank material that doubles as blackmail material: “What would mom think, what would your buddies think, seeing this little cum-drinking, shit-eating, piggy?”