MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017—part 38)
Let's workshop this stanza sequence about cats, molestation, death, amphibians, trauma, PTSD, trailer-park trash, rhetorical manipulation, bribery, short-lived crack highs, overgrown front lawns
moving on to the next wife whose daughters are not yet grown envisioning your loved one already dead to ease the blow aspiring—squirming—for things for which there are no words the coldness of a frog the clichés through which we think and feel sexual to the molester; pure curiosity to the toddler kneading owner flesh, the arthritic cat transports itself back into kittenhood where that same paw-pad pulse once made milk flow from the warmth of its mother sticky from cotton candy, the small fist grips the girthy carousel pole— its up-and-down piston a funhouse mirror of carny desire lurking, nothing to lose, in the lip-bite shadow beyond the fairground lights who could have foreseen that the password to the pillow fort would become, decades on, a linguistic knot of innocence and trauma? baroque prose covering horrible thoughts in a purple veil the abuse, not once failing to titillate, only turned terrible with education oblivious to the eyes of shoppers, an ass-digging autistic child sniffs his fingers the bed-head beer-drunk flipflops around her trailer park, always pantyless in a pajama-intended tank dress tight enough to showcase that bad butch build, betting her stream can outdistance any man’s souls, hungry for meat unconfined by lexicon, turn to satisficing substitution: buying material goods, only to face more encryption— even the heart notes of parfums outstripping the grasp of tongues next door the crack high lasts only two, three at best, scream-alongs to the druggie pop rap of the day—and then, after screams and shatters deep in the comedown, that cricket-buzz lull (their lawn still unmown) “I’m a punk (as surely most can tell), but I bullied him as a kid from such an early age that he could never shake that image of me: a tough guy of fatherly proportions” a place where living healthy is revolutionary downstreamers with biblical boils on extra limbs desire spilling beyond the brim of vocabulary models inspiring questions misfitting what those models are intended to represent “the hopeful are unreliable: our best chance, if only to mark ourselves as not utterly vile to survivors, is to kill the delusion, is to tell the kids it is too late” entrenching an idea in their heads through purposely-lame attempts to convince them that it is not true paying the five year old a quarter for quarter entry, and two quarters if she manages half, of the penis
This is a portion of an ongoing mosaic poem called Made for You and Me. This portion is from the first installment: hive Being (Stanzas 2016-2020). More specifically, it is from the 2017 portion of that five-part work.
This work presents a fragmented reflection on the darker undercurrents of human experience, focusing on trauma, repression, and the blurred boundaries between innocence and corruption. The imagery is visceral and often unsettling, blending the banal with the grotesque to evoke the ways in which trauma and desire coexist beneath the surface of everyday life. Themes of childhood innocence—juxtaposed against adult sexual desire—are explored through imagery that collapses the distance between pure curiosity and exploitation. For example, the toddler’s innocence is tainted by the presence of a molester, and a playful carousel ride morphs into a symbol of lurking, predatory intent. Such images suggest that the line between innocence and corruption is precarious, and that society’s attempts to uphold these distinctions are fragile at best.
From a psychoanalytic perspective, the poem can be interpreted as a meditation on the return of the repressed. The grotesque acts and desires mentioned—such as the molester’s exploitation of a toddler or the autistic child digging into their own flesh—seem to surface as manifestations of latent, unspoken traumas. Freud’s theory of the unconscious, particularly his idea that repressed desires and fears manifest in unexpected and often disturbing ways, can be applied to this text. The work’s refusal to provide a clear narrative mirrors the disjointed nature of traumatic memory, which often resurfaces in fragments, disassociated from linear time. The text’s seemingly unrelated vignettes of disturbing experiences highlight this fragmentation, suggesting that trauma and repression are not easily contained or processed within the bounds of conventional language or narrative.
Additionally, the poem addresses how language and cultural symbols both expose and obscure human experiences of desire and trauma. The image of a child gripping a carousel pole, sticky from cotton candy, is particularly striking in how it conflates innocence with impending danger. Carnivals and carousels, often symbols of childhood joy, are here tinged with a darker sexual undercurrent, pointing to the intrusion of adult knowledge and predatory impulses into the realm of childhood. This collapse of boundaries suggests a Freudian reading of the poem’s themes, where the distinctions between childhood innocence and adult desire are unstable, revealing a more troubling, unconscious reality.
Moreover, the poem’s fragmented structure and shifting imagery evoke a post-structuralist critique of how language fails to capture the full complexity of human experience. The work challenges the notion that meaning can be neatly contained within social norms or linguistic structures, particularly when it comes to the taboo or unspeakable aspects of human life. The text implies that societal efforts to categorize or explain human behavior—especially in terms of innocence and guilt, desire and trauma—inevitably fall short. Instead, the poem suggests that these experiences are more fluid, existing in a liminal space where language falters and cultural distinctions break down. This mirrors the psychoanalytic idea that much of human experience exists beyond the reach of conscious articulation, driven by unconscious desires and traumas that resist simple categorization or explanation.
Ultimately, the work grapples with existential questions about the human condition, particularly the tension between what is socially acceptable and what lurks beneath the surface. The recurring theme of unspeakable desires, whether sexual or otherwise, reflects a broader discomfort with the limits of language and societal structures in addressing the more primal aspects of human existence. The poem invites the reader to confront these uncomfortable truths, exposing the fragility of societal norms and the inadequacy of language to fully contain the darker elements of human nature.
This collection of fragmented reflections and images explores profound and often disturbing aspects of human experience, such as trauma, innocence, desire, and the collapse of language as a means to convey these complexities. The fragments embody a modernist approach to poetry, reminiscent of the stream-of-consciousness technique and the fragmented poetics of T.S. Eliot or the late avant-garde. The text juxtaposes ordinary and grotesque moments, oscillating between the innocence of childhood and the disturbing forces that shape it. It reflects on the inability of language, and by extension societal norms, to fully contain or express human experiences, particularly those related to trauma, exploitation, and base desires.
The recurring motif of innocence turned grotesque suggests that trauma is a cyclical and often subliminal force passed from generation to generation. The repeated invocation of childhood innocence—juxtaposed with sexual exploitation and degradation, as seen in lines like “sexual to the molester; pure curiosity to the toddler” or the “five-year-old paid a quarter for quarter entry”—interrogates the vulnerability of the child figure within a morally ambiguous or corrupt world. The grotesque descriptions of physical bodies and behaviors—such as "ass-digging autistic child sniffs his fingers" or "the bed-head beer-drunk flipflops around her trailer park"—further underscore the dissolution of social and moral boundaries. This blurring of the sacred and profane is an exploration of what theorists like Julia Kristeva would refer to as the "abject," elements of human experience that society repels yet remains fascinated by.
The piece also confronts the inadequacies of language and thought to contain or make sense of such experiences. The phrases "aspiring—squirming—for things for which there are no words" and "desire spilling beyond the brim of vocabulary" point to the central dilemma in which language is inadequate to express certain human conditions—particularly those related to trauma, primal desires, or existential dread. In the tradition of post-structuralist thinkers like Derrida, the text suggests that the reality of human experience is mediated through, and often trapped by, language, which both reveals and conceals. Words fail to convey the depth of human suffering, desire, and existential uncertainty, yet they remain the primary vehicle for meaning-making.
Finally, the piece delves into the intergenerational transmission of trauma, particularly through familial structures and cultural norms. Whether in the abusive imagery or in subtler, more existential reflections like "baroque prose covering horrible thoughts in a purple veil," the text suggests that families, social systems, and even language serve as carriers of trauma. In this sense, it aligns with psychoanalytic and post-Freudian critiques of family dynamics, exploring the repressed violence and desires that shape human development. The seemingly innocuous act of childhood play ("the password to the pillow fort") becomes an emblem of how trauma can be encoded in memory, later emerging as "a linguistic knot of innocence and trauma."
This piece uses fragmented imagery and disjointed reflections to explore the intergenerational transmission of trauma, societal repression, and the inadequacies of language to express complex human emotions and desires. It challenges the boundaries between innocence and grotesqueness, sacred and profane, while delving into the subtle ways trauma manifests in everyday life.
trauma, innocence, repression, grotesque, language inadequacy, psychoanalysis, intergenerational trauma, societal norms, abjection, existential dread, linguistic failure