MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017—part 37)
Let's workshop this stanza sequence about letting your HS teacher put you in bondage ties, existential despair, retirement, dry humping, shame, suicide, desperation, superstition, religious faith
tumbling a toddler in the dryer for a five-count of cruel Mississippis tribesmen puzzle over whites with pocket pussies—until they have a go themselves even nonegocentric monuments return to grains in the entropic hourglass the man in the spaces between boasts ashamed of having the illness threatening with deportation there is life after high school (even if you let your teacher rope you up to his bedpost) if you did not write the novel before retirement, odds are— rubbing parties, dry-humping suicidal thoughts upon wake up threatened by the new bass in your son’s voice having to retrieve the beating implement yourself knuckles bleached in a mutual clasp of hands, the parents in the stands—afraid to look through more than a squint— heave and reel with every pirouette on the uneven bars in a story we did not ultimately choose to read, our frantic search for meaning is not ultimately up to us imagine the weight of consequence if everything really did recur eternally—a possibility that could wrench out of us the most profound agency even if we knew it all ran by utter determinism since there would be no truths of math if there were nothing in the strict sense, there being nothing seems impossible grubby kids—skittish as feral kittens, nourished on quarter waters and honeybuns— chucking rocks at drunken whores from a sniper height children waking up not knowing what the screams mean denial of your inability to take care of yourself ensuring that your children will be born blind like you disguising your voice, ashamed to call again for helpline reassurance if there can be true painting without numbers decreeing from beyond which color goes where, then there can be true meaning without God thick clusters around ghetto crime scenes egging “the pigs” on, throwing things, to get them—like that one middle-school spaz— to go brutal for our waiting cameras of performative outrage a love affair intensified by the untimely knowledge of its inevitable doom letting the threat of a lightning strike rule your life cloaking malice with language of care addicted to reassurance fifty-dollar fine credit for each day served behind bars headcase superpowers injected into mere socks just because you happened to be wearing them on the occasion of what you mistook for success elaborate scaffoldings of creativity, less to reach higher truths than to avoid the abyss below that downward spiral of taking intrusive thoughts seriously: not going to funerals, say, for fear of laughing disbelief shaken after the church bus, rusted and overgrown with weeds, backfired up after one turn of the key death—that plummet to the prebirth blank, to the blackless noncolor a womb sees— spooked her less than the monomania to live, the rabid grip (on disunity?), that has us drown our own children for one more gulp of airtime in the casino of cosmic roulette
This is a portion of an ongoing mosaic poem called Made for You and Me. This portion is from the first installment: hive Being (Stanzas 2016-2020). More specifically, it is from the 2017 portion of that five-part work.
The text is a collage of fragmented thoughts and images that traverse themes of existential angst, morality, human behavior, and the search for meaning in a seemingly indifferent universe. It presents a kaleidoscope of scenarios and reflections that collectively explore the human condition’s darker and more absurd aspects. From “tumbling a toddler in the dryer for a five-count of cruel Mississippis” to “tribesmen puzzle over whites with pocket pussies,” the text juxtaposes violent, unsettling imagery with moments of introspection and philosophical musings. This technique not only shocks the reader into a heightened state of awareness but also invites them to ponder the deeper implications of each line.
The text’s structure mirrors the chaotic and fragmented nature of human consciousness, particularly in the face of existential dread. Lines like “there is life after high school (even if you let your teacher rope you up to his bedpost)” and “suicidal thoughts upon wake up” reflect a raw confrontation with trauma and psychological struggle. Meanwhile, philosophical inquiries such as “if you did not write the novel before retirement, odds are—” and “imagine the weight of consequence if everything really did recur eternally” grapple with the nature of purpose, time, and the significance (or insignificance) of human actions.
The recurring themes of shame, denial, and a yearning for meaning run throughout the text, forming a loose but powerful thread that connects its disparate elements. The piece suggests a world where actions, beliefs, and identities are fluid, often shaped by external pressures and internal conflicts. For example, the lines “ashamed of having the illness” and “disguising your voice, ashamed to call again for helpline reassurance” delve into the human experience of vulnerability and the stigma attached to it. These feelings of inadequacy and the desire to conceal them reveal the fragility of the human psyche when confronted with its limitations.
There is also a distinct exploration of power dynamics and societal norms. The phrase “headcase superpowers injected into mere socks just because you happened to be wearing them on the occasion of what you mistook for success” captures the absurdity of perceived authority or competence based on circumstantial or arbitrary factors. Similarly, “children waking up not knowing what the screams mean” speaks to a fundamental human fear of the unknown and the inherited trauma that shapes our understanding of the world.
The text culminates in reflections on death and the desire for survival, encapsulated in lines such as “death—that plummet to the prebirth blank, to the blackless noncolor a womb sees—spooked her less than the monomania to live.” This juxtaposition of life and death, of nonexistence and the frantic desire to cling to life, underscores the existential tension at the heart of the human experience. The reference to “the casino of cosmic roulette” suggests a universe indifferent to human suffering and ambition, where life and death are merely random occurrences in a vast, unknowable expanse.
Ultimately, the piece presents a bleak yet compelling meditation on existence, filled with moments of dark humor, surreal imagery, and profound insights into the human soul’s complexities. It challenges the reader to confront uncomfortable truths about life, death, and the meaning we impose on both, all while acknowledging the inherent absurdity of these pursuits.
An exploration of existential dread, morality, and human behavior through fragmented, surreal imagery, "tumbling a toddler in the dryer for a five-count of cruel Mississippis" challenges readers to confront uncomfortable truths about life, death, and meaning.
existential angst, morality, human behavior, existential dread, surreal imagery, absurdity, power dynamics, societal norms, philosophical inquiry, trauma, human psyche, life and death, cosmic roulette, vulnerability, shame, denial, dark humor.